The path to love, well now where to begin! Obviously, self-love is the ultimate aim but, on the way, there a relationship or two can give us a boost and show us what we lack. “What?!?” I can hear you saying “isn’t that the other way round? Surely, we learn to love ourselves, so our relationships and connections are better?” And yes, that is also true ;0)
But what if you realized the relationship you have with yourself is the most important you will ever have? You talk to yourself inside your mind more than anyone else. You wake up with yourself every day of your life…what do you welcome yourself back to the world each morning with? You are the one who will buy yourself the most clothes, feed yourself the most food, has access to understand every feeling you experience, every memory, thought and sensation. So how can we be open to every relationship we experience as a guide to love? Loving both ourselves and those we draw into our worlds?
Take a moment to recognize the most important relationships you have in your life right now, write their names on a piece of paper. You can include partners, children, parents, siblings, colleagues, friends, neighbours, lovers, pets, and yourself if you like. Take a moment to close your eyes and breathe into each one in turn. Ask yourself these questions: How do I feel when I am around them? What does this relationship mean to me? Can I be myself 100% with this person? If not, how am I showing up? What patterns do I play out with this person? What have I /am I learning from this relationship?
WHAT DO YOU SEE?
Sometimes when we take a moment to really look we see that perhaps we are not showing up as we would like to. Certainly, this was the case for me, and I want to share with you where this realization took me.
During my 9 year discipleship with my guru I chose to abstain from sexual and intimate with relationships completely. Now this might seem extreme, especially as at the start as I was a single woman in my early 30’s certainly not the time according to society you hop off the baby train. I realized I had no respect for sex or men. I was using them both to prop up my lack of self-esteem and was manipulative, jealous and at times destructive to get the attention and love I wanted. By opting out of the whole game, I wanted to better understand my own energy and self before bringing anyone else into my vortex.
It was truthfully an amazing and sometimes very lonely experience. Learning to sustain your energy, to love yourself, to tell yourself all the things you want to hear from someone else, looking into your own eyes and being your own reassurance isn’t easy. And in support of me the universe showed up with no one. Not joking, no one flirted with me, asked for my number or made an inappropriate comment for nearly a decade and I know it was because I just wasn’t in that frequency. Having soaked up that experience I returned to the world of dating around a year ago and wow it has been different with consciousness turned on.
Firstly, I have found I can be completely open to a whole person, not only how they look. It really is energy I am drawn to. Secondly being me, all of me, still takes courage. The first person I had over for dinner took one look at my magic wand and tarot cards and bolted. My wolf pack has definitely deterred a few suitors as well. But hell, this is me. I have also had the experience of drawing in some pretty dark energy in men, people who have seen my light and wanted to feed on it, but I am strong enough not to get into that kind of dependent, exchange based relationship. I don’t need anything from anyone. But I do want to co-create.
I find myself in a funny place where I consider myself single even though there is someone very special in my life right now, and I hope I will always keep my single perspective for this reason:
It means I take responsibility for me wholeheartedly. I don’t’ wait for anyone to love me, I am loved. From the moment I wake up until I lay my head down again. And from this full cup I am both able to give and receive. And it keeps me open to experience what all my relationships bring. I don’t have to cling to them or need them, but I get to enjoy them and learn about sharing my world.
So, I am inviting you today to take a step back from all the relationships in your life and take a look at the gift they are brining you. And appreciate the growth they are triggering in you however painful it might seem. And appreciate yourself for being the only person in a relationship with yourself consistently, day in day out, never wavering.
Make a commitment now to give yourself that one thing you really need to feel loved today and if you are bold enough share it below. I would love to hear.
To find out more about what I am reflecting on, what I am creating and the work I do to help people feel all the love they deserve, visit https://www.casalibelulaespana.com/healing